Entertaining Speaker #3 -- Make Them Laugh
Lessons in Fatherhood (5-7 min)
Introduction
Father was pioneer in parenting.
Controversial methods not gained acceptance
Allow me to share his methods, that you may learn, and use them yourselves.
- Military Training is Invaluable
Fall, crisp weather, need to start fire
Man of action, no time for paper & kindling
"Drop and give me 500°!" doesn't work
Blowtorch. Sputters.
Weapons training kicks into gear
"Fire in the hole!" to the crabgrass
Lept over couch, "Take cover!"
Nothing happens
- High Pain Tolerance Required
Military stresses endurance
Check the sparkplug, it won't hurt
It will hurt
"What is your major malfunction, son!?!"
Dad, it will hurt
"Stand aside. Give me the sparkplug; you pull the cord"
It hurt
- A Strategist Looks at the Big Picture
Father was foresaw the increase of violence in media
Negative Reinforcement effective
I'm 8, "Alien", 1977, one of the most frightening movies ever made
We were dressed in black, face paint carefully applied.
I freak out.
"We've got hostiles. Cut the chatter!"
No use.
20 min Dad leaves, screaming kid in tow
I've never seen the end of the movie
Mission accomplished
- Know the Environment
Watch nature documentaries in camoflage
Takes notes at night with red flashlight
I had goldfish from carnival
Changing water - goldfish goes belly up
I cry, "Medic!"
My dad steps in. "A man, er, fish down!"
Standard Shark Procedures should work for this guppy
Resurrected the Goldfish
Conclusion
My father was a pioneer in parenting. I hope that these lessons, avant-garde though they may be, will help you.
(Pull spark-plug from pocket)
Now if you will excuse me, I've got some training to do
-Teach Fire Safety by Example
Firecracker v. Volleyball pole
- A Moment of Brilliance Covers Many Marital Failings
25th Aniv. Surprise Wedding
- Use Creative Purchases to Encourage Unconventional Thinking
Yardboat
- Cultivate Keen Sense of Direction
Lost in Queens - lock the door!
